Well, here we are again ... it's a lovely Saturday morning in beautiful Vienna ... and I'm about to shatter the silence, sending the birds twittering into the air by bleating on querulously about something or other whilst you listen sympathetically and nod a couple of times (or not, it's really up to you!).
Yesterday my beautiful husband told me about a friend of the family who had asked him if he wanted to have children ... knowing the lady in question and being a pretty diplomatic sort of fella he simply said 'well, we have no plans to but if it happened it would be a joy' ... the lady then stated 'Oh, I'm so glad you said that because if you had said that you didn't want children then I would know you are a selfish person ... every person I know who doesn't want a child is selfish' ....
WTF??? **pulls self up to full hobbit size and puffs out chest**
Excuse me ... but since when has not wanting to procreate become a selfish act? I have many reasons for not wanting a baby and none are to do with being selfish! Pfft, **in my best English accent** I should bloody well take that back if I were you because you are about to witness Kate Vesuvius ... ready ... well here we go then!
My childhood was tainted with abuse, trauma and confusion ... my teenage years were terrible, I was clinically depressed, attempted suicide and spiralled into a drug and alcohol fuelled decade that was more about running away from who I was rather than embracing it ... ONLY NOW at the ripe old age of 36 am I recovering from what happened, slowly finding myself and gaining a modicum of self-confidence, largely helped by travel, art, yoga and a loving husband. WHY in the name of all that is holy would I want to raise a child with all that baggage surrounding me? The poor kid would have a pretty unstable mother unable to cope with being a parent who could inadvertently pour all of her silly, unresolved beliefs onto that child ... I see this happening everyday and everywhere and it just gets my goat ...
The planet is already overpopulated to the point of collapse. My husband and I have no intention of adding to the unsustainable way in which humans are evolving.
Millions of children each year are abandoned, left to fend for themselves and raised without love ... Perhaps we could look after some of them before thinking about squeezing out more, huh? **blows raspberry** Whew! Perhaps I'm defending my position a little too aggressively, eh? Hmm, another unresolved issue right there methinks! ;-)
Of course, I also see incredible parents who are are doing an A.M.Azing job of raising their kids and this post is not a judgment of those who are already parents and who are loving it ... I understand that it must be a lovely and fulfilling thing to be a mother and I'm talking from a very personal point of view ... its just not for me ... so keep yer hair on!
My baby is my art, my yoga practice and self healing ... I do all of this in the hope that I can someday inspire others to cast away the shroud of insecurity, follow their dreams and leap, like a beautiful salmon, into the river of life and swim energetically ... (if this is a selfish act, then I'm a selfish asshole ... soz) and if your dream is to have babies ... then GO FOR IT, BEAUTS!
My pregnancy is happening right now ... an art business is gestating (good word but ... eewww, gross!) as we speak and when I'm finally rushed into the emergency room I will give birth to a healthy, successful livelihood with a vibrant, confident and resilient mother at the helm.
Perhaps one day I will change my mind ... but I would need to feel that I was bringing a baby into this world in order to teach, grow and learn together with an independent, freethinking individual and not because I wanted to make my life more fulfilling ... because lets face it ... that would be selfish of me ...