Who am I? Transitions, identity crisis and other nonsense!
Well, here we are ... once again, I have had an epiphany about my life and I'm tweaking (not twerking...or maybe...that would be a sight for sore eyes) all the pieces into place ... and as usual, you poor souls are the recipients of my brain farts. Welcome to the Thunderdome!
For the past year, I've been making yoga portraits and exhibiting in Vienna. My main mission has been on others and making them feel at home in their own skin ... on showing others how magnificent they are and honouring their incredible bodies and minds.
Now it's my turn!
After an incredible trip to England with a dear friend and high jinks in Glastonbury as well as watching my elderly grandmother lying in a hospital bed, wishing for death, it become apparent to me that I'm still not fulfilling my destiny.
This may come as a surprise to anyone who actually looks at my life. I mean, it looks like everything is roses, right? And so it is ... on some levels.
On others, I'm hopelessly lost, confused and simply trying to make sense of this thing called living. I have crippling fears, insecurities, neediness, crushing self-doubt and other less than savoury character traits. I can be a dick. I can be miserable as shit and, yes, I can slip towards depression surprisingly easily. I am cynical, sometimes rude and on occasion scathingly brutal. I both love and hate Yoga and what it's become. I believe in a higher consciousness but can sometimes rubbish it's very existence. I'm judgemental, can be narcissistic and sometimes stupid on purpose. I love to disagree with people, just for the hell of it and loose my shit if someone treats me without respect ... even though sometimes, I'm the most disrespectful ass there is!
Now for those of you reading this and thinking that I have some serious self-hatred going on there (this is actually one of the few things that I don't have anymore ... thanks Yoga!) ... I can assure you that there is absolutely no hatred behind any of these sentences. I'm simply, for the first time in my life, seeing things as they are. I am a multi-faceted, highly emotional, creative individual with a troubled soul and a poetic heart. For all of the incredible, amazing and positive attributes I have, I have the same amount of negative ones too!
You see, I realised that it all comes down to acceptance. For many years, I have tried and failed to improve myself. I've read countless books, attended seminars (both online and in person), paid thousands in therapy and scoured the internet for ways to make myself better.
I also realised that there is no better or worse, there is only acceptance and honesty.
I need to be honest about who I am and show my whole self through my artwork or there is really no point in creating any.
As well as all the amazing things that we are, we are also a bunch of crappy ones and without honouring the dark side, there can be no light. So, it is with this in mind that I begin a new phase of portraits. I will still be making portraits of others but on the side, I'm going to be trying to be brutally honest with you about myself, my opinions and my 'darkness'.
As well as showing the positive sides of my personality, I'm going to lay out my shadow and see what happens. There will be judgement, for sure, but I can choose how I respond to that and after my 38th birthday, I'm really starting to feel that I don't actually give a furry rats ass if I'm judged!
So stay tuned for more on this bunch of new nonsense and as always, please feel free to share with anyone who you think would benefit from reading!